Do you prefer to react or respond ? You would be thinking that there is no difference. How does it matter as both are same? However, you’ll be surprised to know the both are miles apart. Blaming others for everything in your life falls under the reaction umbrella. We see this all the time around us. Reaction is usually spontaneous and without much thought. It is also the easiest as it does not hurt your brain. Is it right though? Very few people are willing to take the road taken less.
The below article does not aim to justify criminal acts by not choosing to blame the wrong doers or advising not taking legal recourse. Criminal acts or deliberate intentions to cause harm always justify appropriate action. I am just trying to explain from the point of view of developing good habits and making you aware of how an action can limit the potential.
1. Why does it feel comforting to blame others ?
a. Shifts the blame
You are no longer responsible. Shifting the blame also lightens the head while giving an impression that the other is at fault. However this is a temporary reprieve as deep down the person know about his fault. If not corrected it gradually becomes a habit, which then prevents learning and hence future growth.
It is best to avoid the core issue by creating a distraction and looking inwards. Thinking about being more resilient so as not to avoid the need of blaming someone makes more sense.
b. Blaming as an alibi
Many a times people blame others and use it as an alibi. People usually try to give alibis in situations where they feel that they may be reprimanded for the act. With no truth to backup the alibi the blame soon crumbles leaving the person who commenced this red faced and with no sympathisers.
c. Diverts attention of others
Your loved ones are distracted once you start blaming others for all the mess in your life. They are not able to see the core issue which may simply be the child’s temperament or attitude. By ignoring the core issue, they are encouraging habits that later on it will be more harmful in life for their loved ones.
2. What the repercussions of always blaming others?
a. Makes you untrustworthy
Everyone must have heard about the boy who cries wolf. You may get away once or twice. But it is very difficult to not be observed for judged for your act. Someone will definitely notice, which will then make you untrustworthy.
It is always best to be truthful about the situation and accept when wrong. It will help you save your face. You will also be able to manage the situation much better it occurs again.
b. Lost self esteem
Self esteem increases when people achieve. These can be achievements in sport, academics, career or business. Achievements are the ultimate peak and a result of consistent efforts. Failures are always a part of the journey. People react differently to failures. Many would stay consistent with dedicated efforts. Few may quit and choose to blame external factors, which then leads to lower self- esteem. It may then lead to half hearted efforts in the next project.
c. Ingrains bad habits
Blaming others creates victim mentality and does not let you make the desired efforts. Good habits take time to cultivate and require disciplined consistent work. Whereas as bad habits are easy to create and may feel like fun.
Blaming others, without looking at your own limitations only promotes a bad habit. It makes you weaker over time as you did not do what is right. You continued to take shortcuts, which may not lead to the right destination. For example if you have failed in a business venture, did you blame you skills or only the lack of capital.
3. What is the right way ?
a. Accept your mistakes
Ask your heart if you are at fault. A ‘yes’ means you need to accept it and be open about it. Accepting mistakes is very graceful. People know that mistakes are done by everyone. Learning from the mistake and not repeating the should be aimed. You should also share your experiences with others. It will help you to reinforce the learning and provide valuable lessons for someone else.
b. Apologise if at fault.
Apologise to the right people. They will be the person to whom you have given the alibi and the person whom you blamed initially. They really deserve your sincere regrets as they are either deeply pained by your act or are surprised by the sudden blame put on them.
c. Internalize the lesson learnt
It is important not to repeat the mistakes. This can happen once you remember the lesson. It has to stay at the top of your mind so you don’t repeat. In-order to internalize the lesson make a point to repeat or share with others. This will be helpful when a similar situation arises and you will be able to take action without thinking much.
4. Concluding remarks
I believe that life is full of opportunities and surprises. However, life also makes sure that ample lessons are provided during the course of the journey. Most of us have the habit of looking outwards and allowing the external event to influence our behavior.
Looking inwards is tough and requires a lot of wisdom and discipline. It is always better to pull yourself from the intricate details and be able to differentiate the forest from the woods to realize your full potential.
Helpful resource – ‘Mindset‘ is a popular book by Carol Dweck and can help you develop the right attitude. ‘Atomic Habits‘ by James Clear is another book that can help you build great habits.
FAQs
Q. Blaming others is the symptom of which illness?
Ans. Adult rage, particularly in men, has come to be understood in recent years as an indication of depression. As a result, while blaming others may have its roots in sadness, it merely serves to accentuate the helplessness that depression is known to bring.
Q. Which type of people always blame others?
Ans. Blaming absolutely everyone and everything around them is a common trait of narcissists. Also, they are unable to take responsibility for mistakes they make, even if everyone else does.
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